weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
