We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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