She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
