Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
