Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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