Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
