My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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