Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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