Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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