Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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