I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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