I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
