things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
