you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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