Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
