He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
