DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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