I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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