wrigley field is MILF paradise
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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