I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
