it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
