If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
