The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
