im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
