I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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