i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
