I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
