I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
