I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
