honey bunches of taint.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
