did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
