i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
