My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just gargled with NyQuil
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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