I will die if light touches me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
