o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize