I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
