oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
