He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
