And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
