Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
