I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you have to choose: penises or morals?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
