I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
