I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
please come you make the beer taste better
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
