so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
