i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
They took my balls.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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