it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
