you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
