i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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