He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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