Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
