Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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