She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
