I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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