In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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