Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
