Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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