she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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