You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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