I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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