This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
