Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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