Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
