yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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