She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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