I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
