Someone shit on the floor
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
