I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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