WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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