im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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