Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
