she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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