I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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