We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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