Your tits are I can't wait for
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
