im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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