so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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