so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
