Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
