Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
