Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
