I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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