I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
