I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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