You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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