i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
