I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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